he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
