apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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