to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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