Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Couch. On fire.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
