best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
