So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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