I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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