so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
