3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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