dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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