That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
