I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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