You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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