Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
