maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
