She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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