You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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