Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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