some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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