Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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