Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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