I'm so fucking centered right now
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
