you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
