just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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