quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish you could order shots online.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
