maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
