Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
zippers are such a cool invention
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
