I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
