So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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