Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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