At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
