the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
