It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
