I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
