Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
