It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
