My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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