I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
