We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
