i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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