we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
