allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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