I wish I could teleport
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
