i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
