Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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