i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
