The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
