i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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