Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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