5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
