I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
