Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
