oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
