whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
A+ Viking dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
