Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
