Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
