Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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