I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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