He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
