sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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