If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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