pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
