i barfeds in our rink
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
