how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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