Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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