His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
