You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
