you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
