This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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