There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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