When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
