Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
