perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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