he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
