this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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